welcome to blogtina! I’m writing to you from a coffeeshop (sorry). The brightness level on my laptop is so low because I’m scared someone will notice I’m starting a blog. Is there anything sadder than a person at a coffee shop writing their first blog post? “Newsletter” feels more acceptable somehow, but it implies that I have news to share. Classifying whatever I’m going to write about on this silly little email as “news” feels dishonest. Also I think blogging is going to make a comeback. Early internet is huge right now. Very Julie and Julia.
My first album, the love of my life, Dreamtina, will be two months old next week<3. I’m recently back in New York City from a comically stupid vacation in Portugal with this guy from London I used to date (more on that later). It it tasteless or empowering to trash people on your blog? All I really want is to be more like Olivia Rodrigo. I quit my retail job at a gorg little boutique in the West Village, and I’m leaving again tomorrow to go on tour by myself (scary) supporting the band Arlie! It sounds like I have a lot going on, but I spent the majority of this week wandering the streets, watching the Kardashians, trying on jeans for fun, eating ravioli for dinner every night, and questioning my existence. I’m 26 years old and a lot of the time I feel like I’m decaying. I feel sad even during moments where life feels exciting because I know it wont last. There are so many people I would love to see, but I ignore everyone all the time because I’m scared they won’t text me back. I started reading the book “The Lonely City” by Olivia Laing. She talks about people who spend so much time alone, and how they lose their ability to perceive social interactions and often overshare and annoy everyone who comes into contact with them, creating an endless cycle of forever loneliness. Is that what I’m doing now on this blog? comment below? I’m being dramatic of c. In the five days since I’ve been home, I saw my best friend, Roeg, every day. I went to a lovely event at the Jane hotel with my dear friend, Sofia. And had drinks with my angel guitarist, Avi, just last night.
I do spend a lot of my time lately complaining about money and how I have so little. When I do have money I spend it on crazy stuff! A beaded bag with a lobster on it that hardly even holds my phone! A dress that is completely see through! A giant creepy silver ring that looks like a tiny hand clutching my pointer finger! I feel so at peace when I am at a store I can’t even tell you. I’m also addicted to social media and it’s ruining my brain (I know, you know, snoozefest, sorry). Specifically, and worst of all, I’m addicted to looking at my own profile through the ~eyes of the other~. If there’s a way to track how many times a day I stalk myself on instagram, I don’t want to know. It’s actually really dark and unfunny how self absorbed I am. These are all great reasons to start a blog! I simply love writing. I want to do it more. I want to be held accountable and, if possible, I’d like to make a little money from it.
Here’s a couple poems from the past…
Pumpkin Poem
wouldn’t it be cool if you said exactly what you were thinking to someone and they just said, “thats beautiful”?
ever since I was really little I’ve been obsessed with thinking about scooping out my own insides like you do to a pumpkin right before you carve it
the way a smooth hollow pumpkin feels is how I imagine it must feel to be happy
nobody likes poetry except for people who like their own poetry but everyone likes pottery
Good Hair
I’m jealous of clean girls with modest closets
I’d kill a stranger for good hair
And I know there’s no God
because of how easy it is to send someone 14 texts in a row or give yourself a tattoo for no reason
the worst loneliness is when there’s nobody there to give meaning to your self destruction I don’t know what thoughts are worth writing down anymore
all I know
is that trying to be special all the time is like running on a hamster wheel
Ok, back to business. I want to charge $5 for this if thats ok with you. is that insane? I’ll do 2 posts a month. I could upload demos of unreleased music? write you essays? poems? I’m more than happy to spill all my juicy tea for you little freaks if thats what you want! Thank you for reading.